Column I: Defying Reality
I wanted a love song, but my songs wouldn't be traditionally sung. The tradition I dispersed at my doubts.
No longer could I embrace the world I was forced into. My love song shall spark revelations and kindling of what true love should be. For those that defied this innocent soul, they will face my blessed reclamation.
I was explaining my statement to the dolls and girls over Sunday brunch. Vanessa, a doll who started taking mones at 12, naturally, thought my approach was completely chaotic. "You treat dating like a sport, as if you were playing on one of them wack ass art school teams," she said, carefully adjusting her posture. "College is supposed to be about finding stability, not starting a revolution girl. I just think we all a little bit too woke, if I’m being honest."
Cleo, fresh off the operation table with new 300ccs, inhaled her mimosa, after putting her fake ID back in her bag. "Please, college is for acting out. Hooking up is just Act 1."
She was right. Since beginning college, I was at a standstill within my own mind; constantly frozen looking for a substitute in this drowned world. I spent my first year fucking like no tomorrow. Midway, I began to be eager for romance. I got a boyfriend, a geeky and freaky 5´8 loser. Where I seemed to be growing in love, on cupid's day I felt my first true betrayal, and just like that, I thrusted myself back into fucking. Sex became my act 1.
But you can only perform for an audience of strangers, who act like they understand your innocence, for so long before the curtain drops.
By my second year of college, I slowed down my beast of horniness, finally looking at a mirror. Fading and failing presented me with memories of my distant past. Instead of diving deep, I settled for trivial crushes instead of hookups.
And so, through my slow patience, I discovered my truth. No longer held in the realm of faking, I did the sentimental: I began my transition. I listened to the wicked cries my body screamed out to me at night. All that love made my veins excited yet fearful of my new unknown. Not letting doubt, no longer, get in my way, I transitioned.
In this life, we all hope to be loved most of all. In this life, we all hope to be seen most of all. In this life, we all hope to be understood most of all. Now, in this life, I desire to be me.
I only learned to respect others and now it was time to defy everything. Stuck with no place to go, my new feminine growth made the world uneasy. There was so much sorrow for such an easy-going, easy-feeling, easy-loving girl.
Let them be uneasy. In the end, all eyes will be on me, for better or worse. I am, and will be, the sparkle that the world desperately desires.
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